Woman wants to cancel her friend's baby shower over 'rude' act (2024)

A woman has sparked controversy after she revealed she wanted to pull the plug on her friend's baby shower when the mom-to-be left her messages unanswered.

The unnamed 22-year-old took to Reddit to detail the disastrous planning of her pal's party - admitting that she wanted to cancel it.

In the post, she confessed to having tried her best to plan her friend's baby bash.

However, she revealed that she had run into some trouble when the pal she named as Ally began ignoring her messages about the party.

And when the expectant mom finally hit send on her responses, the pal seemed to have had enough as she revealed that she no longer wanted to throw the event.

In theAm I The A**holesubreddit,the 22-year-old questioned if she was in the wrong for attempting to shut down the bash over her frustrations with the mom-to-be.

A woman has sparked controversy after she revealed she wanted to pull the plug of her friend's baby shower when the mom-to-be left her messages unanswered (stock image)

The post was titled: 'Am I the a**hole for cancelling my friend's baby shower?'

She began the thread by revealing that she would use 'fake names.'

'My friend Ally (F22) is due to have her first child, a baby girl in November. She's not very close with her family & as far as I know she's still not even told any of them that she's pregnant.

'For context, I met Ally just over a year ago as our partners became friends. Three months ago Ally, myself (F22) & our other friend Fiona (F23) started planning to have a baby shower for her, it was also discussed that me and Fiona would cover the costs of everything.

'Because none of us had ever been to one, and this would be our first, everything was planned early down to decorations, food, activities, etc. We've had invitations made, the only thing we didn't have sorted was the venue because she said that she would do that. '

The friend explained that while they were organizing the baby shower, Ally moved into her parents' home - adding that she had received the thumbs up to have her baby shower at their residence.

She added: 'Around the same time as we started planning the baby shower, Ally and her partner moved into her parents' house.

'She said that she had gotten permission and that it would be okay to have the baby shower there so as far as we were concerned the baby shower was happening there!'

The unnamed 22-year-old took to Reddit to detail the disastrous planning of her pal's party - admitting that she wanted to cancel it

And while everything seemed to be going smoothly, it all came to a screeching halt two months later when the expectant mother began ignoring her party planners.

The post continued: 'Fast forward two months from then (one month ago from now), we've been trying to contact Ally, and have messaged her every day for almost two weeks straight to try and start getting everything sorted.

'There were things that she wanted to do cleaning wise to set up for the baby shower and we were happy to help her do that, we also needed to drop off the invitations I had made so she could send them out to her friends. We justneeded to know what times would work best for her. Due to her not replying, Fiona and I sort of assumed that she didn't want to do the baby shower anymore.'

And while the two best friends had thought the party was off, their assumption seemed to haunt them when Ally finally responded.

'Three days ago, she finally messaged me and said, "Hey sorry I haven'tbeen in contact, I've been sick. When will you next be free for baby shower stuff?"'

'Another friend that saw her about a week ago, said she seemed fine. And to add to that, she has a history of saying she's "sick" when she just doesn't want visitors. She also posted herself out with her other friends on her story while she was supposedly "sick".At this point we are one week away from when the shower was meant to happen & I just don't feel it anymore,' the original poster said.

'I should also add that I live in another town about an hour away & have three under five so I don't really have time to waste, I feel from my point of view I've done everything I can to prepare for the shower like I ordered balloons, invitations, gifts for both her & baby, as well as a few more decorations for the shower & have just been waiting on her to reply.'

The friend confessed that although she had tried to be understanding to Ally's situation - adding that she knew how difficult expecting a child could be and the toll it took on you.

People were fiercely divided in the comments section as some users flooded to the anonymous user's defense

However, she explained that she no longer wanted to be apart of her friend's special day.At the end of the post, she questioned if she would be an 'a**hole' if she pulled the plug on the party.

She said: 'I've tried to show her grace as I know how hard pregnancy can be & I understand if she needed space but I honestly feel as though I'm just being mucked around.

'Would I be the a**hole if I cancel the baby shower? A friend of mine said I'm an a**hole for cancelling on her, but I feel she isn't putting in any effort for the baby shower or our friendship.'

People were fiercely divided in the comments section as some users flooded to the anonymous user's defense.

One person said: 'So not the a**hole - if I knew a baby shower was happening for me, I'd do anything to help out the person throwing it! Her not responding for two weeks, is an a**hole move. Pregnant or not! Cancel that s**t. Return everything you've ordered!'

Someone else wrote: 'Not the a**hole. She ghosted the two of you. Seems like she realized her new besties weren't going to offer to throw a baby shower and figured she'd better get back with y'all. Some people only want friends that they can benefit from.'

'Not the a**hole but if you've already bought everything I'd just go ahead and throw the party but after I'd probably minimize your contact with her,' another person commented.

However, one user claimed that she was in the wrong.

They wrote: 'I'm unsure how much effort she's supposed to be putting in, since you and Fiona are throwing the shower. Why aren't you and Fiona, as hosts, sending out the invitations? Still, it was rude of her to not answer your messages. Her punishment is that some of her friends probably won't be able to attend at this late date and she will have to do her own cleaning.

'You would be the a**hole to cancel the shower at this point. If that was in the cards, you should have said, "if we don't hear from you by whatever date, we'll assume you no longer have an interest in this."'

Woman wants to cancel her friend's baby shower over 'rude' act (2024)

FAQs

Can you cancel a baby shower? ›

Enjoy a 'Shower-by-Mail'

If the decision has been made to cancel or postpone the event, the host or mom-to-be can send out a message to guests requesting that they send their gifts,” Kommer says. “As gifts are received, the mom-to-be can reach out to the friend and family member via a video chat to open the gift!”

Is it rude to ask someone to throw you a baby shower? ›

If you're worried that no one will offer to throw a baby shower for you, talk to a close friend or a relative and, if you're comfortable doing so, ask her to take the reins. But again, there are no hard-and-fast rules — if no one is available or you simply prefer to host the event yourself, feel free to do so.

Is it OK to say no to a baby shower? ›

You have no control over people who are inconsiderate, but you can control your reaction to them. If you would like not to attend the baby shower, then don't attend.

Is it rude to skip a baby shower? ›

If you are facing infertility, mourning a loss, are in a tough parenting season, or otherwise do not feel up to attending, you deserve to give yourself the grace of skipping the baby shower. There is no need to provide a reason; a simple RSVP “no” or telling the hostess you're sorry that you can't make it will suffice.

How do you politely decline a baby shower? ›

The whole point of being invited is to give you the opportunity to accept or say that “sadly you will not be attending but wish them a very happy day”. There is no compulsion to give a reason for not attending either. Thank you for the invite but sadly I won't be attending.

What is the etiquette for baby showers? ›

Never show up to a baby shower without a gift in hand! That being said, you're not required to buy a gift from the registry. Feel free to shop around and choose any special gift for the new little one (and their mommy!).

What not to say at a baby shower? ›

19 Things You Shouldn't Say At A Baby Shower
  • "Don't you miss drinking?" ...
  • "I would never bring a child into this world right now." ...
  • "Are you afraid you're going to tear?" ...
  • "Have you thought about naming the baby after your father-in-law, Herb?" ...
  • "This game is kind of dumb." ...
  • "I understand EXACTLY what you're going through!
Mar 18, 2014

How much notice do you give for a baby shower? ›

The ideal time to send out baby shower invitations is 6–8 weeks before the baby shower. The baby shower can take place anywhere from 4 weeks before the baby's due date, to earlier, around the 28th to 30th week of pregnancy.

How do I cancel a baby shower letter? ›

Due to unforeseen circ*mstances, we have to cancel the baby shower planned for <MOTHER'S NAME> on <DATE & TIME>. We appreciate your interest in attending and deeply regret having to cancel the party.

How do you decline a baby shower? ›

Give yourself permission to say, “Thank you, but I won't be attending.” Yes, even if the shower is for your dearest friend or family member. If you are in a dark place, it may be best for you to be absent rather than place a cloud over the celebration. Choose a gift off the honoree's registry and have it sent to them.

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